let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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