so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
