If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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