So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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