i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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