we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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