he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
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You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
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if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize