So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
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Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
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I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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