drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
