Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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