I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.