put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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