apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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