hotties wanna shake it
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards