..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep