i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas