The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
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Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
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Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits