I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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