Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
