i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
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He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
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I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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