I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
