The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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