Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Bring me that man meat
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
