I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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