Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize