tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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