my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
