I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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