if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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