I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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