It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
