Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
