If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
