I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.