I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.