I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball