Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.