I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment