There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works