Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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