I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
