It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
