Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We left the knife in your bed.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
