Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
