so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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