he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
