you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize