dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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