I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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