The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
