So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
