What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
