I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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