Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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