I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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