I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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