the condom got lost in my hair
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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