ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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