I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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