So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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