Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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