When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
