After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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