I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
