I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
