Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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