I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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