ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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