respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
