i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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