My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
