he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
