His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
