His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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