I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
