I wish I could punch you in the face.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
