I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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