That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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