I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
