omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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