It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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