The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
