I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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