Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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