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I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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