Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(970): View more from Colorado

you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.

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(970): you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake. http://tfl.nu/y1g9

Replies (18) Good night (1079) Bad night (4557)
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(480): View more from Arizona

I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot

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(480): I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot http://tfl.nu/rl8p

Replies (87) Good night (11174) Bad night (817)
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(425): View more from Washington

I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.

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(425): I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up. http://tfl.nu/h9rh

Replies (18) Good night (3771) Bad night (962)
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(502): View more from Kentucky

Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.

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(502): Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication. http://tfl.nu/d8fz

Replies (4) Good night (1958) Bad night (1122)
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(281): View more from Texas

I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.

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(281): I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked. http://tfl.nu/jbhc

Replies (8) Good night (3268) Bad night (1025)
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(605): View more from South Dakota

His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...

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(605): His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life... http://tfl.nu/cy2e

Replies (5) Good night (1165) Bad night (2918)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place

(402): View more from Nebraska

This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded

(402): View more from Nebraska

Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood

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(402): Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place (402): This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded (402): Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood http://tfl.nu/jep5

Replies (8) Good night (1782) Bad night (819)
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(901): View more from Tennessee

Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.

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(901): Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn. http://tfl.nu/sdqi

Replies (6) Good night (614) Bad night (1986)
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(561): View more from Florida

Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.

(1-561): View more from Florida

How high are you?

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(561): Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter. (1-561): How high are you? http://tfl.nu/9cbn

Replies (18) Good night (973) Bad night (1602)
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(+45): View more from Denmark

I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned

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(+45): I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned http://tfl.nu/8ezp

Replies (6) Good night (926) Bad night (511)
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(818): View more from California

Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.

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(818): Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree. http://tfl.nu/znv5

Replies (2) Good night (475) Bad night (833)
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.

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(262): I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry. http://tfl.nu/6bad

Replies (2) Good night (394) Bad night (550)
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(775): View more from Nevada

Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.

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(775): Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno. http://tfl.nu/rdsm

Replies (2) Good night (1192) Bad night (313)
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(614): View more from Ohio

I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.

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(614): I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low. http://tfl.nu/zc0w

Replies (3) Good night (318) Bad night (787)
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(616): View more from Michigan

your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?

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(616): your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial? http://tfl.nu/h7zs

Replies (1) Good night (460) Bad night (309)

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