what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..