Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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