Your mouth is God's brothel.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
