The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.