I just saw a hot homeless man
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.