she looked like the before picture.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.