I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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