I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I cockslap morals
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.